stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
