btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
