So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
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That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
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