my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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