Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
