youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
All the doctor said was why
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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