between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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