I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Rumble strips road head = magical
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
