You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
