Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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