I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
