we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
