I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
