P.S. I can't hear my feet
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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