Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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