Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
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