she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize