my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Please don't give away my fajitas
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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