Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
