Welp...herpes.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
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She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
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I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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