I look better un-naked...
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
