My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
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Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
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And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
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