what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
We're using joints as your birthday candles
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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