I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
