Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
