is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
