My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
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