i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
