Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
