Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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