omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
