So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"