Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
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