New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
