ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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