What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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