My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
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She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
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Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Randomize
