Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
