would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
