Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
