how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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