I think i peed on brittanys purse
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Terrible idea I love it
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
