your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
