I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
