She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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