My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
