Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
