well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
