Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
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