I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
