why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
