I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
