i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
