grandma shit on top of the toilet
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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