Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I will pee on everything he values.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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