I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
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I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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