nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
